Cake tin maker Cake tin maker
Call yourself a baker
Tin didn’t fit
had to use a scraper
Mixture on the floor
And the oven door
Even on the cat
Who got it on his paws
Cake tin maker
You’re a joke
kitchen filled with billowing smoke
Black and acrid made me choke
Cake tin maker
Listen to this
Your cake tins aren’t fit to
Piss In

The sea lion floats on her back
flippers in the air
like rubber gloves
hanging out to dry
jade green water
bone cold, flat calm
sprinkles of icing sugar
on the blue mountains

The kites are out
fluttering
flapping dancers
red and green
against the sky
duck egg blue
sand sugar caramel
Mohair charcoal hills
coffee in a yellow flask
pink Birkenstocks
a dogs orange lead
smudged white clouds
my eyes hurt
from squinting at the sea
looking for whales

There’s a bear
where ?
over there
on the deck
by the chair
are you sure ?
yes I swear
shut the bloody door!

I live at the end of the road
front gardens, basket ball nets
mail boxes, picket fence
wishing wells and fishing floats
pot luck dinners, wooden boats
waving scarecrows , washing lines
“Ed and Rose live here’ on signs
there is watching and twitching lest you forget
keep your cats indoors, we don’t welcome pets
bin day is Tuesday as we’ve told you before
if you don’t mow your lawn we’ll be round at your door
cute tulips and maples and carved garden gnomes
and driveways blocked up with huge mobile homes
like battleships bigger and bolder and beige
machismo themed names are all the rage
Commander, Defender, Son of Thor
with antlers and crossbows hung up on the door
bike racks and gun stacks, canoes on the roof
I’m a he man, a real man and here is my proof

We scrambled down
through the brambles
and lay on the rocks
smooth and worn
like an elephants back
on the next bank
a pair of sisters
shared wine
cooled in the river
in a string bag
weighed down with stones
they shrieked and paddled
gossiped and laughed
talked about their dad
how he was confused
forgot how to dress himself
put his clothes on backwards
thought the postman was his wife

On Tuesdays
at 6 o’clock sharp
they drive up to the fence and park
station wagons pick up trucks
quivers of arrows on their backs
looking smart in their pointy hats
strong bows and long bows in their hands
targets set up along the track
I’ve noticed that this is always the night
when the deer aren’t here
they’re not in sight
in their usual foraging
at last light
I guess they decide to stay away
in case an arrow goes astray
but how do they know
it’s a Tuesday?

On the drive up through the woods
we found a shop
we were the only customers
I stayed in the empty car park
the owner came out
and told me off
for being in the wrong bay
when we left
an otter ran across the road

Maverick, Paxton, Lincoln, Chip,
Benet, Hunter, Jayden, Mort,
Lori, Zander, Coleen, Chaise,
Preston, Shyler, Shayler, Scout,
Turner, Everly, Lindon, Tate,
Brandon, Taylor, Marlon, Klein,
Branston, Calvin, Nathan, Clint,
Dwight, Dwayne, Wayne, Kurt,
Parker, Prince, Cooper, Hank,
Blaise, Tereze, Logan, Gail,
Spike, Spencer, Shauna, Todd,
Scott, Linus, Perry, Trent,
Maxim, Lauren, Chuck, Brooke,
Enzo, Ziggy, Dylan, Champ.

Lucky charms
Apple jacks
blueberry jelly
pancake stacks
hash browns
tater tots
peanut butter
choco pots
fried eggs
sunny side up
unlimited tea in a cup
filter coffee
coffee creamer
peach fluff
chicken weiner
marshmallow float
french toast
whipped custard
banana boat
rashers of bacon
wafer thin
wisps of cheese
that looks like string
raisin beigel
apple fritter
Peach sour
toffee brittle
baloney turkey
sliced gherkins
chili relish
spicy radish
you know what I want the most
Is a plain ordinary
slice of toast.